If you are like most moms out there, you would give anything for a break — even an hour to nap, read a book, sip on a hot coffee, eat…. lol But ironically when you get the chance (or even think about taking that time), you automatically revert to not being ready… how do you leave your baby? You can’t!
I was this mom – and to some degree, I still am.
My husband and I did our first night away from our son when he was 17 months old, and I remember crying.. okay hyperventilating bawling actually. It was a beautiful surprise evening for just the two of us, with my mother-in-law staying the night with him. We stayed downtown – only a few minutes away from home – but I still wasn’t ready…
I remember both my mom and my husband saying to me “You will never be ready.” And they were right. You never will be — however, you soon realize that strangely enough, you are!
So… this past weekend, my husband decided to take our son to Edmonton to visit our family (I so badly wanted to go, but had numerous previous engagements here in Vancouver – including dinner with friends, a bachelorette party and a friend visiting from out of town). I lost sleep over it. I was SO anxious. Even as I packed them up, I couldn’t believe this was happening. Don’t even get me started on dropping them off at the airport…. I couldn’t see straight I was crying so hard!
All of this being said… It was truly a wonderful weekend, and one that was long overdue. Yes, my baby is my whole world, but this weekend also reminded me that I need to focus on me.
To be able to visit with friends. To be able to sleep-in. To be able to go shopping. To be able to have a hot coffee and some reflection time. To stay out a little later and have a few extra drinks… To have me time! No schedule! No duties!
I got to have a taste of what my “old life” was like. I LOVED every minute of it. That being said, I also quickly realized that I wouldn’t trade my “new life” for anything! However, it was nice to learn that I can have BOTH! Maybe not to the same degree that it once was, but I realize that having this time for myself actually makes me a better mom. It gives me time to re-charge and to have the balance in my life that I think we ALL need.
No one talks about this delicate balance before you have children. To me at least, it seemed once you had a child, you had to sort of walk away from the life you once lived. I am here to share that this is absolutely not the case.
I also want to express how good time away from your baby is for not only you, but also for him or her and their father. The weekend was great bonding time for my son and my husband, and it also gave my husband a new appreciation for how difficult solo parenting can be.
So…. do it! Take some mama time for you without your baby/child. I do recommend trying to get to a place of being ready, but know that you probably never will be – so take the plunge. Not only some alone time for you, but also try to get some time away with your significant other (every relationship needs this). The garden won’t grow if it doesn’t get water and sunshine…
Start small. Go for a meal or a spa treatment. For just a few hours. Gradually work your way up to an evening out, and then an overnight. Yes, it will be hard (especially if you are still nursing…. gosh I forgot how much I hate pumping – with Jax being 18 months old, he was okay without it for a few nights). But it will be SO worth it.
I would also say wait until your child is a bit older. I waited quite a while, but only you will know when the right time is for you and you child.
It is true what they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It is also true that you have to take care of yourself first to be able to take care of others.
So…. get started on planning some mama time away. There will be mixed emotions… But so many good ones! Plus, at the end of it all, your love for that little offspring of yours will only explode by the millions 😉
M.J.
