Hiya!!!!!! I’m back… I have put blogging on the back burner these last few weeks, as my time had come to embark on a new journey…. going back to work… (in walk the many opinions****)
Why is it that there is such a negative stigma associated with going back to work after becoming a mom? Many women of our generation: (i) grew-up with mothers that stayed at home to raise their kids; and (ii) are surrounded by more and more woman that are choosing not to have children at all (and therefore don’t understand our reasons for wanting do, or our necessity to be flexible career women). I have heard everything from “do you want someone else raising your child” to “woman can’t have it all – it’s one or the other”…
WRONG. On both these points (I note that everyone is entitled to their opinion, but that doesn’t mean they will be well received or that I have to personally agree with them, because I don’t)…
No one else is raising my child. I am persoanlly doing that with my husband — and I personally think we are doing a damn good job at it. Every day is not perfect and we have a lot to learn, but we are doing it nonetheless. And I actually DO have it all — I am both succeeding at being a momma and a career woman! Plus, Jax is being exposed to other people and experiences that I alone couldn’t give him, all of which are making him a more well-rounded individual.
So what does this look like, and how can you as a mama that is going to be going back to work make this happen?
First of all, remind yourself that this is a HUGE transition in your life. You have been a career woman, and you have been a mom, and now you are officially doing both — wearing two hats instead of one. You will struggle. It will become tough. There will be bad days. BUT remember that you are going to do this, and it’s all going to work out! Remember that your children will benefit from seeing both his/her dad AND mom going to work and making a living. Remember that you are contributing to society in one way or another, and that in and of itself is super rewarding. It also feels nice to use a different part of your brain – to use those skills you went to school/got trained for. It’s also YOU time. Something that you can do for you. Outside of being a parent. Plus, you get to have a hot cup of coffee in the morning, usually a warm meal AND you can pee when you actually have to… with privacy! lol
Also remember that your children will have extra things in life as a result of this (whether a family vacation every year, an extra Christmas present under the tree, an education fund….) yes, these are material things, but let’s be honest, we all go to work to make a better life for ourselves and our families. Lastly, I had a close friend put it best, it will become your new normal… as with anything else… your first year of university, your first job, etc… all of these changes and transitions eventually became a normal part of your every day life.
That being said, if I can offer any advice, here it is:
- Be true to yourself, and with that comes being easy on yourself. Check in every now and then to see how things are working out.. how you are feeling. Only you know what you truly need.
- Create balance. Go to work, but allow the evenings to be about your child/children. Then make sure you are getting time for yourself after he/she/they go to sleep (whether that is to exercise, read, sleep, socialize, etc).
- Set boundaries. This is something I still struggle with. Make sure you set your intentions about what you want for your family and your career and let others know if somehting doesn’t jive with these visions.
- Ease into it. Have a transition period with your baby as they learn this new way of life of going to daycare/having a nanny/caregiver. Be patient with them….
- Pamper yourself before you go back to work. Get your hair and nails done. Go to the spa. Buy some new clothes. Feeling good about yourself also makes the transition easier. *Having a transition period (see #4 above) helps you find time to do all these things while having your baby get used to their new arrangement in small doses.
- Work hard, but play hard too. There are going to be long hours, stressful tasks, difficult people… reward yourself after conquering these things.
- If possible, try for a flexible work schedule. The famous saying is true, that if you want something, you have to ask… I was so fortunate enough to be able to have every Wednesday off. Yes, I had to pitch the idea… I took a 20% pay cut as a result (4 working days instead of 5), but these years are so precious and having one day a week for Jax and I is something I can’t put a price tag on.
- Find someone you trust to watch your child during the day. I purposely used the work “watch” not “raise” because “watching” is really all that they are doing. Having your child in an environment you feel good about and that they are happy in will make being at work easier and will also make you more focused and successful while you are there. I found it really helpful to have a camera to check in on him throughout the day so that even though he can’t see me, I can see him and know that he is okay.
- Meal prep. Cook at the begging of the week and/or have some items stored in the freezer for quick and healthy breakfasts and dinners. Not all the time, but as a back-up…. it’s a game changer.
- If possible, extend bedtime by even half an hour. We extended Jax’s by an hour and this has made a world of a difference to be able to have the evening with him.
- Create special routines — story time, bath time, etc. that you can do with your child. Have it be yours and their time.
- Let weekends be about them. Plan fun family activities tougher.
- Set clothes and other necessities out the night before. This makes the mornings less stressful.
- Surround yourself with other working mamas. It’s important to have a tribe of women that understand what you are going through and that can be a sounding board and a source of support.
- Have fun with all of it — easier said than done, but having a positive attitude and truly believing that you CAN have and do it all really does influence making it come to fruition. Keep the faith!
All of this being said, I am in no way saying that if you are not a working mama that you are somehow inferior. Not the case at all — farthest thing from the truth. Being a mama is, and always will be, the hardest and most important job there is. The moral behind this post is that in this day in age, us women are faced with extreme challenges in trying to have both a family and a career, and I am of the view that it doesn’t have to be this way. We can have it all.
I truly wish every working mama the best of luck! You got this!
Happy mama-ing and career-ing!
M.J.
